classifieds    contact    advertise    archives    download newspapers

steve’s funny column

by jdgarcia | January 19th, 2017 under Big Bend Blog » Big Bend Blog Highlight

Abundant reader feedback

By STEVE LANG

“Unless a reviewer has the courage to give you unqualified praise, I say ignore the bastard.”John Steinbeck

“If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.”Kingsley Amis

A writer without readers is like a traveler without a destination, or some such seemingly poignant observation that reads well hot off the word processor, but is likely soon forgotten.

My readers supply me with abundant wit via email messages. Many of my belly laughs originate from these column responses, so I hereby share some of their recent comments to spare you of my own.

On the Shakespeare Guide to Big Bend: “How many gin & tonics did you consume while you were writing this column?”

On sisters: You prove weekly that truth is funnier than fiction . . . One can’t make this stuff up . . . You go long, and always score, spades every time.  Since I had sheltered upbringing in a strict Methodist home, this is the only card term I know. But the big boys often talked about spades when they left the pool hall with folding money.”

“Drunk old fat men in tights, these are the nightmares that book up group therapy sessions.”

“Do you realize that your lovely mother may have deserved ‘sainthood’? At some point I would have loved to ask her what what her definition of (normal) family life was. I have no doubt her answer would have been totally unorthodox, to say the least.”

“This was wonderful even if picture was scary.”

On hunting: “Gun control would have saved you money. Like bladder control, hopefully will never be needed.”

“Reminds me of the old days with the Model 12 shooting ducks west of Elbow.”

On World Serious: “Tinker to Evers to Chance was an awesome double play combo!  But, Toop to Toop to Toop was EPIC!”

On Thanksgiving: “I recall holiday dinners with the slimy, stinky lutefisk…where I grew up.  It was my father’s Norwegian tradition to always have lutefisk.  I recall, even our silverware was stained in cooking the lutefisk.  I always wondered what it did to the insides!”

“Have a good old Pennsylvania Thanksgiving flowing with gravy. I’ll be lucky to find ANY turkey here (Thailand). Some avian flu ban of 2 years ago (now lifted I think) is still causing problems in the supply of USA frozen turkeys.  Like many things, you can still find them, but VERY expensive….I love turkey, but roast chicken for 10X less is tasty, too.”

“Viking long boats, funerals and stand-up comedians in Bayonne, New Jersey. A heritage seeking a pardon.”

“I can relate to the ping pong dining table. P.S. What are you smoking?”

“You really do need to look into a Traeger Grill!!! You can’t crucify a turkey…or anything else for that matter! (That is; if you can still read DIRECTIONS!)”

On Countrymen: “Thanks a lot for letting us read your column – and letting us be a part of it. We really enjoyed reading it! As you write, lutefisk is a special dish served differently from region to region in Norway. We eat it with potatoes, green peas and bacon together with – and here comes our specialty – lefse, with syrup and brown Norwegian cheese. We also brew a ginger ale to go with it, but nearly any beer can do if you’ve only got some good aquavit. As you probably understand, the lutefisk – although it tastes good! – is not the only important part of this kind of meal😄.”

“I have heard all the lefse and lutefisk jokes and stories, so that did not interest me as much as the mention of FERAL PIGS. Hey, we’ve got a problem here in Thailand, too. Only, it’s complicated by the fact that most good Buddhists don’t like to kill any living thing.”

On Turkey Trot: “As usual, I appreciate your intelligence in not being one of those guys who entered the run to nowhere – seems like those ‘fun’ runs are rather pointless – (1) no one is chasing you, (2) there is usually no cold beer at the end, unless you bring your own, and (3) the food, if there is any, is that ‘health food’ stuff.  Better to not waste the time or expend the energy – go find a warm bar.”

“So true about the passport photo!!  This missive made me hungry – and my dad would say (per your light- pole) ‘it will feel better when it quits hurting.’”

“Another adventure. I had to look up mileage between DFW Airport and Alpine…488 miles by road. I guess that would have been quite a hike, but I was about to suggest you walk from the airport…but that’s a little far. You could have/would have walked off the turkey belly, however.”

Steve Lang, like Marty Feldman, believes “the pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with.” But Lang uses a keyboard as the Sul Ross State University news and publications director in Alpine.

Story filed under: Big Bend Blog » Big Bend Blog Highlight

about   advertise   archives   contact   download newspapers   home   subscribe